irlsuccubus:

Who the fuck ripped this fat vape at silent hill I’m trying to find my dead wife

*exchanging wedding vows*

kitfisto:

me: fullmetal alchemist
my wife: *slightly differently from how I said it* fullmetal alchemist

s-video:

slavery:

Me: yo dummy what’s this red liquid

Bro: aye man that’s die instantly soda don’t fuck round with that real shit

Me:

melaboveall:

Forreal. Aint no problem at all. 

woolay:

programmerhumour:

Fun with phone numbers

please-dont-freak-out: